I will choose my words carefully for this post. The only reason I am posting it in the first place is because I know that only family and close friends read it anyway.
Last night was the youth ralley at our church building here in North Carolina. We invited four or five other churches and seven or eight attended. It was a huge turn out (although the pictures don't show it). First a few things I would like to share about New Covenent Fellowship (my NC congregation). When I moved here to NC last year, I immediatly started looking for a church family. I went to a few chruches and even drove an hr. to the nearest Church of Christ (COC). The COC that I went to reminded me of me me of my home congregation in Mannington and I did not feel comfortable continuing my membership there. After a few MONTHS of searching I saw a sign that pointed to an old bread store, that said "New Covenant Fellowship: a modern worship for an ancient faith" It was Sunday night so i stopped in. I first met Lee, who I later found out was the youth minister and worship leader. My frist question was, "Is this a church?" followed by "when do you meet". They were obviously not "meeting" Sunday nights. He explained that the youth met on Sunday nights and I was welcome to stay and he also let me know of the church hrs. for Sunday morning. The first Sunday I attended, I felt so comfortable and knew that my NC Church search was over. I have loved and looked forward to Sunday's ever since. I am very active in the youth and love attending church activities througout the week. Yet there has always been some deep nagging feeling of discomfort.
Last night James and I attended this youth ralley and I left with a sick feeling. I left with so many questions that I could not answer. It was like a year and 1/2 of quesetions built up into this one night and hit me. I felt uncomfortable last night.... the BAND made me feel uncomfortable, the women speaking made me feel uncomfortable and the "pastors" from the visiting congregations made me feel uncomfotable. At one point we all were asked to put out heads down and raise our hands if we had never asked Jesus into our hearts, then we were asked to ask Him into our hearts and be saved. PEOPLE REALLY DO THIS? The paster was talking about how the Holy Spirit told him what to wear to this youth ralley and how God was speaking to him at that moment.
My uncomfortableness started earlier when the band from another congregation was playing. I had this feeling of sickness. It did not seem sincere, it was a show that we were watching. Sure, they were encouraging us to sing along, but the music so was so loud you couldn't hear anythinig but the band, and they seemed to drink in the applause at the end. By the time the "pastor" got up to preach I was already feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Just the WORD "Pastor" started making me feel uncomfortable.... am I being "picky"- for lack of a better word.
James and I got in the car and left as soon as it was over and I relieved to find that he felt the same uncomfort, just not to the extent that I had. The rest of that car ride home was full of questions for me. Poor James got the blut of all of my emotions.
It boiled down to WHY do I feel so much more comfortable in the Church of Christ? I refuse to belive it's only becuase I was raised in one. That is not a good enough reason or answer for me. Obviously I believe in baptizim, but as a necessity? Yes, I do believe that scripture clearly states that we are to be baptized for the remission of our sins..... does that mean that everyone that is not baptized will not be saved? or I am to just have the mind set that, "oh God's grace will cover THEIR ignorance" it just doesn't seem right to me.
I have always considered myself to be a very open minded individual when it comes to religion. I would always say that women speaking in the church did not bother me..... but it does! WHY? I also said that communion should be taken every Sunday yet I am attending a church that only takes communion once a month. I don't want to feel uncomfortable about these things, but I do. Yes, I believe that the Church of Christ is most like the first century church (we hear that all the time).... but honestly, WHY is that the most important thing?
Obviously this is going to take alot MORE studing and prayer on my part. I feel like such a child. I feel like these questions should've come up a long time ago. But they never needed to.... I was always attending a COC, so these were never issues before. Now they are. Maybe I've said way to much on here. Obviously, if I've offended anyone in anyway I apologize as that was not my intent. Your comments on this post would be greatly appreciated and may help in my direction of study and prayer. God Bless!
3 comments:
tiff-
hey girl! sounds like you are going through some very healthy emotions and searching. i had a hard time finding a church i was "comfortable" with after i left the catholic church. i think above all of the traditions that each church does, one needs to consider what is biblical for a church to do. that includes what they have in their worship service. there is nothing wrong in itself with instruments in worship. however, when the instruments and the people playing them become more important than the worship itself, than there is something wrong. the bible tells us that as often as we meet together we should remember Jesus through communion. now, does that mean that you are wrong for not taking communion at your church every sunday, i cant answer that. but if you need to physically eat bread and drink "wine" than why cant you do it on your own? i mean, if thats really important to you. or find out why your church only does it once a month. our church is really seeking to be led by god and not ourselves, and we are going through a lot of thinking and re-evalating just like you are. the reason why they claim to strive to be like the early church is b/c that is closest to what jesus would have been around and to what his disciples would have taken part in. its very simple and strives to be based as clear as we can tell on the bible's requirements for worship. in saying all that, you still need to determine what you are comfortable with and why. are you uncomfortable with women speaking b/c you didnt grow up that way or b/c you think there is a biblical stance on that? and the same with instrumental worship, communion etc. i dont think anyone can ever find a church where they agree with every single thing that is done. but, there are definitely things that are salvation issues and things that can be let go as "preferences" or "traditions." study carefully and pray a lot to find out what God really says about the things that bother you.hope that helps a little! loveya-becky
Hey Tiff! I don't have a lot of wisdom to share. But, I will say that everyone asks themselves those questions at some point. You are not alone. I continue to search for my own answers to those questions. You are the only one that can come up with the right answers. It is between you and God. We are accountable to God for our actions and decisions. "Because that's how I've always done it" or "Because that is how they are doing it" are not the right reasons. I encourage you to devote yourself to prayer and studying God's Word. He will be faithful in providing you with wisdom and guidance. (I'm speaking to myself here, too. Thanks.)
Hi Tiffany! Hooray that you are feeling conflicted about not know why you feel so strongly about some things! How many people just decide to ignore the "why" when they are preaching the "what"? Just the fact that you want to get to the bottom of your "why" is a sign of spiritual maturation. I would suggest Mike Cope as an excellent resource for help in answering some of these all-too-close-to-home questions. God bless you on your spiritual journey! Love, Kimberly
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